Ahhhh... They're here. The mighty games have arrived, like it or not. Here's a thought: how about all the people that voted YES for the games (that would be Vancouver populous, sorry to all you who voted NO, my condolences) be the ones to pay for them since no one else in this province is really getting any benefit from them at all? Despite the fact we will surely be bucking up over the next several decades via tax increases and loss of services due to cutbacks to pay off the debt... As I said, just a thought.

Sure, I am not a fan. I don't understand the fanfare, the hype, the justification of 6 billion dollars dumped into a sporting event while BC has the highest child poverty rate in all of Canada. HIGHER THAN NEWFOUNDLAND! Am I the only one that is horrified by this? Embarrassed? No, I'm not. But the glimmer and shine of the games wins most people over and the logical, social consciousness goes on being ignored.

Do not even get me going on how the "trash" has been taken out in Vancouver.

When I walk to work I see the Olympic Mascot Stuffies in every shop window and wonder wtf is going to happen to all these odd, mutant looking creatures once the Olympics are over? Will anyone want to buy them? I am not sure why anyone wants them now. They are funny looking and not in a good way. I predict they will join the McDonald's Happy Meal Toys in fast-food purgatory on thrift store shelves for years to come.

If I had to pick a favorite mascot though, it would have to be Quatchi. I assume it's supposed to be some version of a sasquatch with the mutated flavorings of anime-gone-even-more-wrong. The best thing about Quatchi is my recent memory of a night out on the town when someone (Crazy Mel) had Olympic Quatchi stickers stuck to herself in "certain" places and was approaching men asking if they wanted to check out her Quatchi. This is MY Olympic memory, you can't take it away from me.

AN INTERVIEW WITH STEPHEN KING

By Linda P. Schaab

   Let me say up front that my original plan was to interview Stephen King, but I couldn’t persuade him to agree to it. However I was able to swing an interview with his friend and fellow author, humorist Dave B_____.

Linda: Thanks for agreeing to this interview, Dave. I’m a big fan of your humour and especially your writing on bad songs. I understand you and Stephen King play together in rock band?

Dave: Yeah, we’re called “The Rock Bottom Remainders.”

Linda: How did you come up with that name?

Dave: First of all you have to be an author to be in the band, and we chose the name since a remainder is a book that can’t be sold, even at a rock bottom price, and we expected our playing to go over the same way.

Linda: So is Stephen King any good as a musician then?

Dave: He’s not bad. None of us in the band are especially musically talented, but what we lack in musicianship we make up for by being loud.

Linda: Writing must keep you all busy. Why do you and the others do it if you’re not very good?

Dave: We all have so much fun playing together and what we make we donate to promote literacy. The money for charity is really beside the point, though. As one band member said, and I won’t say who: “I would do this even if it killed the whales.” We have a core group of five with the others showing up as their schedules permit. And for some strange reason people keep coming to hear us play.

Linda: I read you were given a Nobel Prize for Social Commentary. What kinds of things have you spoken out against?

Dave: Actually it was a Pulitzer Prize. I don’t know why I was given that award as I’m really not that much of a deep thinker. I did once write a column suggesting that all accordions should be thrown into a pond somewhere. And I’ve taken a firm stand against low flow toilets.

Linda: I’ve heard there’s a problem with those. Is Stephen King also against low flow toilets?

Dave: Yeah, I’m sure he is. Shit is a scary thing for most of us – especially someone else’s. I have two daughters, and from the day they were born their poop has scared the crap out of me.

Linda: So, let me get this straight, you’re saying that Stephen King is afraid of shit?

Dave: Most people may not know this, but Steve King is afraid of a lot of things. He knows these same things scare the hell out of others – and so those are the things he writes about. Maybe Steve should write a book someday about an epidemic of especially terrifying shit. (Giggles) Knowing Steve, he’d probably say that most of his books are shit.

Linda: I’ve read where you said you left college without having any marketable skills. What was your first job out of college?

Dave: For a while I wrote for ‘The Daily Local News.’ It sounds too stupid a name to be real, but that was the name of the Westchester, PA, paper I wrote for. One day we ran a story with the heading: ‘Woman Beats Off Would-be Rapist.’ By the time we realized our goof the paper was out and it was too late. Soon after that I was assigned to cover the meetings of a nearby Sewage and Water Authority. There was a lot of talk about sewer interceptors at these meetings and the discussion would go round and round this topic like water circling in a toilet bowl. I still don’t know what sewer interceptors are. Why would anyone want to intercept sewage?

Linda: The holiday season is right around the corner, and I’ve read that for quite a few years you’ve run a Holiday Gift List in the ‘Miami Herald’. What is the most memorable item you’ve had on your list?

Dave: Naturally, the Holiday Gift List is not a serious list. We look for genuinely stupid things to photo for the piece. I remember one year we ordered a bunch of duck butts – these were decoys with only the butt of the duck sticking up. The idea behind these decoys was that with traditional duck decoys birds flying over could become suspicious because none of the ducks appeared to be feeding.

Linda: And you put these duck butts on your Holiday Gift List?

Dave: Yeah, we got the idea to put 3 or 4 duck butts in a punch bowl and we ran a photo of this as a suggestion for holiday entertaining. As we found out later, the company had recently stopped manufacturing the duck butts, which was a good thing. But they got so many orders after we put them on our Holiday Gift List that they restarted production. This time, though, the company included a warning that if used in a punch bowl the alcohol might act as a solvent and dissolve the plastic.

Linda: Were you ever concerned that someone might miss the warning and you’d be blamed if people got sick?

Dave: No, my feeling has always been that anyone who’d drink punch with duck butts deserves what they get.

Linda: You’ve been great, Dave. Is there any chance you’d try to convince Stephen King to give me an interview?

Dave: Could you run that by me again?

Linda: Never mind. Thanks for your time and Merry Christmas, Dave.

illScarlett

By Jes Busch - Gonzo contributor

    “Nothing is conscious, we are influenced by our surroundings and collaborate to make music.”, an aspiration and success that has led to the anticipated release of illScarlett’s fourth studio album, 1UP! After more than 8 years together, the “pop infused rock reggae” band are heading back out on native soil to promote and perform their latest hits. From the side of a highway in Wyoming, bounded by a comical crowd of cattle, lead vocalist, Alex Norman, addressed the directions, the intentions and the ambitions that lie ahead for this musically endowed unit.

    5 years ago, the boys of illScarlett were in the same boat as any high hoped, slightly unsure, yet exceedingly optimistic, band might find themselves in. The road ahead was bound to be a rocky and challenging one, but never unattainable. “Start small, but dream big...we never saw this as impossible, we weren’t motivated by success, we make our music initially for ourselves and we would be doing this regardless.” What started in 2004, with the somewhat audacious decision to play to a line up of fans in a parking lot outside the Vans Warped Tour, has now become an internationally recognized arrival for the boys. The band, consisting of lead vocalist Alex Norman, guitarist Will Marr, drummer Swavek Pior and bassist Jonny Doherty, are now touring worldwide and have produced four major studio albums.

    The style and sounds of illScarlett are distinct and dissimilar to the typical Ska or Reggae characteristics. Having been repeatedly compared to the California based band Sublime, the boys have succeeded in creating their own distinct sound that combines “a little bit of everything... I listen to it all, Greenday, Madonna, The Backstreet Boys!” The structure and style of the album, 1UP!, can be described as “something dirtier, not anything offensive, but definitely dirtier. Recording the album at home allowed for a more collaborative effort, it’s a lot more interesting. For me, the actual recording process is boring, I am more interested in post production, that’s where this album became more personal and more of our project.” Music has always been so much of a personal as well as public experience. For a band to make the necessary impact it needs to secure a devoted audience there must be an unrivalled element.  The musical fusion that illScarlett has formulated up until now has certainly proven to work in their favour.

    With the influx of music now available online, whether it be via MySpace, itunes, YouTube etc. it is safe to say that the face of music and exposure received has faced both the pros and cons of the cyber universe.  The frontier has made it harder to sell a record but more beneficial it terms of keeping a loyal fan base constantly downloading new music.  The demise of record sales has lead to a loss of understanding to the true story and inspiration of an album. “It is not as valued as it used to be. The art work that goes into a record and the story that is told from track to track get lost when you’re online downloading only bits and pieces. It just gets forgotten... but the exposure and the speed of succession is awesome.” As for feelings towards the mass explosion of reality t.v, “It just looks like an incredible amount of stress. It is so boring to me but for some reason people like it... reality t.v. is just a new form of welfare. Some of those performers are extremely talented, and some of them, well it just gives them something to do... Hard work and hard sacrifice are what lead to success. Have your own ideas, follow your own dreams.”

    With their Western Canadian tour wrapping up at the end of the year, the boys will be hitting the road again come January, first to play to their East Coast homeland and then back into the US. There is also optimistic hope to be back in Japan sometime this year, a country that is “so full of culture and art, and such an extremely diverse lifestyle from our own”. As for the route ahead, the plan is simple and straightforward, “Success will come to those who work for it... we can never consciously say what kind of music we are going to make but we obviously hope for the best.  For us, performing is an energy exchange.  We just want to be able to make and perform our music for as long as possible.” Regardless of situation and circumstance, if you have determination, you can find success. The best bit of advice for bands that may too be starting small but dreaming big, “Bands don’t fail, bands quit.”  That being said, if the boys ever decided that music was no longer in the cards, the fast lane would be close behind “I would be a race car driver, why, let’s just say I like to go fast!”

illScarletts official website! - http://www.illscarlett.com.

Lack of Customer Service Has Consumers Seeing Red - Big business is cutting costs to keep shareholders happy and customers are paying for it.

by Dean Unger

Google “poor service” and you get around 1.3 million hits. It seems to be the new business mantra: customer service is obsolete. And over the last few years it’s a problem that’s grown to epidemic proportions.

Recent poles show that consumers are overwhelmingly frustrated by what seems to be a lack of corporate accountability. Among consumers’ biggest complaints: off-shore call centers, being shuffled from person to person when trying to get help, slow responses, unfriendly service, problems with computer transactions, dealing with customer service representatives who have their hands tied by company policy regardless of circumstances, and getting lost in the rat’s maze of automated telephone systems. All of this in the face of rising prices has consumers seeing red.

According to a recent customer service study by Accenture, 78% of respondents complained of being kept on hold too long, another 75% of needing to repeat information to multiple service representatives, while 69% pointed to the inability of representatives to solve problems. Other key factors in the report revealed that consumers spend an average of six minutes on hold, that they are passed on from 2-3 times per phone call to resolve issues and experience frustrations caused by representatives trying to sell other services or products when contacted.

It’s not surprising that according to another survey by the Customer Care Alliance, a staggering 73% of customers surveyed experienced what the CCA termed “customer rage,” and only 16% of consumers who took part said they felt satisfied with service delivery and product fulfillment. More than half felt that they received nothing from the companies that caused their problems; more than half again decided never to do business with the company again. These complaints are not just coming from people walking in off the street, but from small and mid-size business managers toward their suppliers.

Why do many big businesses wind up alienating a large percentage of their customer base? Although it may seem black & white from the outside looking in, the answer is not always cut and dried. In efforts to reach quarterly projections companies cut-back the intangibles not the least of which is customer service. When service is cut back it puts a strain on the front end. Demand for products and services becomes unmanageable as companies try to service a market segment beyond its means. The company becomes spread too thin, staff shortages resulting from the surge in unpredicted new business or cutbacks result in higher call volume or traffic on the salesroom floor than the company is equipped to handle. Add to this the lack of investment in customer care training and you have the recipe for the perfect storm.

“A big giveaway could be seen in corporate mission statements that started to come out in 2005,” says Lindsay Meredith, Ph.D., Professor of marketing and business, Simon Fraser University. “The statements revealed a trend toward overwhelming concern with shareholder interests at the expense of customers and customer loyalty. Businesses in effect were moving away from customer satisfaction. When they started measuring success in terms of quarterly reports, if you didn’t turn out a 30% position per quarter and show positive growth you were in trouble. This forced CEO’s to maximize any way they could. And what they did was cut costs – the intangibles, things that were hard to measure were the first to go. It’s easy to measure cost going out but very difficult to measure intangibles – things that don’t get entered onto the balance sheet. Customer satisfaction was one of those intangibles. And in doing so they sacrifice their long-term position in the marketplace.”

The end result is that corporate management seems to have insulated themselves from their customers.

A survey conducted by BearingPoint, Inc. shows nearly two-thirds of company CEOs admitted they never speak to their customers, fifty percent of businesses invest less than a million dollars annually in developing customer experience. In another similar study Strativity Group, Inc. examined attitudes toward customer loyalty and customer experience management among service and marketing executives and revealed that only 37% agreed that systems were in place to effectively resolve customer problems.

It’s a problem that has its roots struck late in the 1990’s and into the new century. Early in 2001 the New York Stock Exchange served a $225,000 US fine to brokerage firm TD Waterhouse after finding the firm was unable to process thousands of online trades between November 1998 and April 2000. A notice was posted to the website advising customers to call the company directly to place orders but it was later evidenced that thousands of calls went unanswered. In fact, at least 45 per cent of the 147,713 calls received during that period were abandoned by customers. Average wait time for calls to go through were in excess of 8 minutes – some customers waiting for up to an hour. Despite leaving its existing customers in a lurch, Waterhouse continued to solicit new clients throughout the time they were having problems.

The vagaries of companies scrambling to meet quarterly projections and to keep investors happy can be evidenced in chameleon like transformations that seem to happen overnight, as they test the market for the flavour of the day. When Telus customers recently reacted to a decision the company made to offer a new wireless pornography service the company resisted believing it would blow over, but finally relented when the church got involved. Telus was rebuked by Catholic Bishop Fred Henry, who criticized them saying, "it's a little disconcerting that it takes some consumers reacting to a business decision rather than it being an ethically motivated decision on behalf of the company itself." This from company that, four years ago, invested heavily in a public relations spin convincing customers of their community conscience while at the same time facing accusations of questionable billing policies, and were being hammered for their appalling lack of customer service resulting in what CBC Marketplace called the biggest telecommunications consumer backlash in B.C..

“Consumer backlash is happening in a big way,” says Meredith. “This way of doing business when you cut out the accountability factor and effectively tell your customers that outside of their wallet they don’t matter creates an immense backlash. We’re seeing today the same kind of consumer backlash that we saw in the 1960’s and 70’s in response to what was perceived as the intrusive and morally void nature of corporate ideology. The difference is consumers now are much more combative and seem to be ready to get involved in class action law suits, create Blog sites and organized web sites broadcasting real problems and getting the same audience and exposure that the corporations are getting with their multi-million dollar ad campaigns. For the most part these sites are reasonable and fair minded. People researching their purchases online before they make them can see whose good and whose not. And the corporations are paying attention.” Lior Arussy, of Strativity Group, agrees but cautions that on the whole, companies are still struggling with what is the right way to respond to it (consumer blogging) and how negative the impact is.  “The evidence we have at hand today is more anecdotal than systematic.”

By and large it all contributes to and helps to sustain a corporate perspective that the consumer is there for the benefit of the corporation. “Consumer” is often misused as a label which tends to objectify and create an “us and them” scenario. It helps identify and then define what percentage of the population makes up the target audience for a given product and is therefore something to be manipulated and coerced. Arussy states: “Companies are focusing on a narrow part of the customer: her wallet. They treat customers as dollar dispensing machines and examine what buttons to push to get more money out.  Additionally, in the name of cost reductions, many products and services are reduced in value to a one size fits all which does not correspond to customers demands for perfect fit with their needs. These drivers are being accelerated by a quarterly, short term viewpoint that does not allow for the planning and execution of a long term relationship with customers. When the customer is treated as a transaction and not a relationship, companies are reluctant to deliver post sales service. They perceive this service as costs they must incur against the margins of the original sale. They fail to see that it is an investment toward the next sale. Additionally, when designing their products or services, post sale service is perceived as a necessary evil and not as an integral part of the value proposition sold to the customer. They therefore budget it accordingly.”

“Companies admire and adore new things,” Arussy explains, “New products, new customers, new deals, new territories. We live in a culture in which new is admired and old is rejected. Maintenance of the existing is drudgery.” Especially in the technology sector where new products are deliberately planned to replace the old. Technology and infrastructure supports the new product and the old is left to sink into forced obsolescence and take consumer’s hard earned dollars with it. Add to this the new learning curve customer service staff and customers alike and the entire equilibrium is shaken down and all of the old problems revisited anew. Therefore corporate mantra is increasingly designed around the new customer – not the repeat customer. The relationship is no longer a premium.

Generally consumers have come to expect bad service and are complacent, citing lack of time and lack of faith in the system itself, believing they would not get results even if they did pursue the matter. “Individual customers were often made to believe that they were the only one with the problem,” Arussy says. “They felt helpless and powerless and therefore did not bother to respond. In today’s information age, they know they are not alone.  They also hear that others did demand what they deserved from companies and managed to obtain it. They therefore won a new sense of power.”

“Before the advent of the Web an encounter with inept customer service was ours to bear alone,” Randall Stross wrote in reference to the infamous AOL account cancellation policy fiasco in July 2006. When Vincent Ferrari phoned in to cancel his policy and was met with bizarre and frustrating resistance from the service clerk whose job it was to save the account, Ferrari took to the web initiating a blog, and posted the recording of his conversation with the service clerk. The site quickly became one of the hottest destinations on the net. It was an epiphany moment for many sympathizers who had gone through similar frustrations with the company and felt helpless to do anything about it when pitted against a giant faceless corporation.

But things have been getting worse according to MSNBC’s consumer advocate Herb Weisbaum. “Misleading advertising and deceptive sales practices are out of control. More and more companies — big name, supposedly reputable companies — are willing to mislead or deceive to move their products.” Weisbaum says he believes the structure of present legislation is also partially to blame, stating the legislative agenda in Congress is set by lobbyists representing corporate America and nothing is really in place to represent the best interests of consumers.

Not unlike the conditions that evoke road rage driving on overcrowded streets, its not just the big stuff getting under people’s skin, its the proliferation of small stuff too. The taxi meter that seems to be hurtling ever higher to some anomalous formula seemingly unrelated to the distance traveled or amount of traffic on the road, the sales clerk chatting to a friend on the phone while customers wait to be served; hotel attendants who treat customers like trespassers instead of paying guests, cups three-quarters full of ice when you order a drink at a fast-food restaurant, it all contributes to rising consumer stress levels. It seems no sector is spared – insurance, grocery stores, complaints of price-fixing, bait n’-switch, big box hardware stores, utilities providers, computer companies, all have a hand in ramping up the consumer boiling point.

Weisbaum goes on to point out that the illegible disclaimers that flash on the bottom of the TV screen in microscopic text, radio spot announcers that blurt out high speed disclaimers at the end of radio commercials in effect completely alter and confound the message they’ve just delivered. Online retailers obscure important information in the “terms and conditions” section – long disclaimers in legalese most people would not understand… “We live in a service society that rarely provides good service any more,” Weisbaum says, “And it’s not just the airlines. It’s also rental car companies, auto repair shops, and big name computer hardware and software companies. Mistakes will happen; we all understand that. But when something does go wrong they can’t get any help.”

According to Jupiter Media Metrix a company can save up to 33% by outsourcing their customer service support call center off-shore – a move many companies have taken in order to remain competitive and look good on the balance sheet. But what looks good on paper doesn’t translate into benefits for customers who are having trouble getting past language barriers. Newsday.com writer Richard Dalton Jr., cites a 2004 study stating that customer service centers that are outsourced to foreign countries “have many consumers ready to disconnect the companies.” And it’s not only the customers who are having trouble. Service representatives hired overseas, often in India and

Philippines, themselves say they often couldn't understand those calling in for help.

Another major challenge grows out of the way service centers are managed: the people answering the phones are not always informed of the reasons behind the policies they are enforcing. This together with the language barrier poses serious threat to customer fulfillment. Yet it remains a solution for many big companies. “Companies that focus on cost cutting must confront a simple truth that they prefer to ignore or deny: there is no such thing as a free cost reduction program,” Arussy says. “Any balance sheet will tell you that if you take from one side of the equation, you affect the other side-a simple rule that every bean counter knows well. However, the unasked question in a cost reduction program is: Who pays the price? Customers pay the price. Cost cutting leads to accelerated commoditization of products and services. Customers begin to see fewer unique and differentiated products. Cost reduction also means fewer people to serve customers.”

The companies that are getting good grades from consumer watchdogs take customer service seriously and try to manage with an even hand. But even they say at least part of the problem is the effect of abusive customers that expect way more than they’ve got coming and bring attitude to the table regardless of circumstances. Many companies take measures to mitigate hostile confrontations that ultimately result in poor employee morale and high turn-over but are wary that these measures might end up looking and feeling like an inept customer service policy. Justin Kitch, CEO and founder of Homestead.com says abusive customers ask for ad-hoc discounts, unreasonable solutions and go out of their way to make employees feel bad. Sometimes the best thing you can do is fire your customers.  If they don't get the value that you are adding, or don't appreciate your service, or have unreasonable demands, allowing them to continue being a customer can do long-term damage to the viability of your company.”

Meredith agrees saying a certain percentage of customers will represent a problem for the company. If proper guidelines are in place it is a viable solution. It goes back to the old 80/20 rule – if 20% of your customers are 80% of your grief you have to address the problem to remain viable. However, you first have to ask yourself is everyone else at fault? Or is it me? Look at your operations and your product and how you interact with customers – if everything is sound and the numbers back up theory then it’s safe to go ahead and cut the abusive customer out of the equation.

But it may be a chicken and egg scenario: which came first the abusive customer or the poor customer service? When it comes to technology many customers are coming to the table already head-shy from being ripped off in the past, they don’t know who they can trust. It is clearly a company’s responsibility to stand behind the service or product they provide but the customer has a responsibility too. Customers need to commit to a basic knowledge of the products they are using.

So what’s the solution? There is something in the middle here that should be about corporate economy regulating itself with social consciousness incorporating the principles of reciprocity. Was Durkheim ultimately right? Will the system correct itself or is there a case for government intervention here in the form of policy that will provide for checks and balances? “There is a middle ground,” says Meredith, “If you look at most successful big companies they are in it for the long-term. Companies that continue to buy into the short-term game will continue to have problems. And so will their customers.

“Regulation is not the ultimate answer,” Arussy states. “Although we have seen it evolving in Europe in the form of passengers’ bill of rights. Ultimately, companies will wake up to the reality by facing the costs of doing business this way. They ought to benchmark and understand the economics of relationships. When they understand the correlation between the bad service and lost business opportunities they will change their behavior. It’s simple economic logic.

Companies today are competing against higher standards delivered everyday by leading customer centric companies. From Starbucks to Ritz Carlton, customers are learning that there is a way to do it better. They are finding out that when companies want to, they can deliver superior service and value. As such they regain new power and demand that the vendors they work with will do the same. They refuse to be victims of poor experiences.”

“Weisbaum: I’m fed up with this shabby treatment and the consumers who write me feel the same way. Businesses need to realize that customer service isn’t just a nice thing to do; it’s the right thing to do. It’s not a waste of money — it’s good for business. Costco is going gangbusters. Nordstrom is having record sales. Maybe they’re on to something.”

In trying to decide which side of the fence to come down on most customers would be unequivocal and fair-minded. Consumers are sometimes satisfied but more often than not frustrated at the lack of basic service and product reliability, but at the same time looking for opportunities to say "hey, that was great service. I felt valued as a customer, these people get it - they get that it means something to want my loyalty as a customer and go after it.

Andrew Allen, Barney Bentall & John Lee Sanders clean up at BCIMA Awards night.

Kevin Kienlein – Gonzo Magazine

    Andrew, Barney & John Lee were the stars of the evening Friday, all 3 performers hitting triple headers at the 2009 BCIMA awards. Aspen Switzer from Nelson wasn’t far behind with 2 awards. A relaxed and entertaining evening was enjoyed by over 500 enthusiastic fans, supporters and fellow musicians. Shelly Vida (Vida Promotions) and Mark Greenhalgh (One World Media) produced a wonderful opportunity to acknowledge accomplishments by some of the best performers the interior of British Columbia has to offer.

With light hearted banter and some comedic moments provided by the radio personalities of Astral Media and a few special guests, the evening flew by.

The evening’s festivities opened with the performance of a moving Aboriginal song by Kym Gouchie which segued into a high energy and impressive performance by Wassabi Collective. I have heard of them, but not had the opportunity to hear them before, I was impressed with their versatility, stage presence and their interaction with the audience. Transitioning between these first two acts, they were joined by a dancer with neon ‘hoola hoops’, it was a challenge decide where to keep my focus.

The first award of the evening went to Andrew Allen from Vernon. Andrew received the award for Single of the Year, 'Not Loving You', then the People's Choice Award, and lastly Pop/Contemporary Recording of the Year, 'Not Loving You.' Album of the Year went to Barney Bentall for 'The Inside Passage', followed by Songwriter of the Year, 'Hold My Heart'. Barney’s last award was for Country/Bluegrass Recording of the Year 'The Inside Passage.' Rounding off our top 3 was John Lee Sanders. John’s first award was Blues Recording of the Year, followed by R&B Recording of the Year, 'Bucket Full of Blues' and lastly Group of the Year.

After checking out Aspen Switzer’s site for this article, I know why this gracious and talented young lady from Nelson deservedly won 2 awards, Folk Recording of the Year, 'humble but bearing no apology' and Roots Recording of the Year, 'humble but bearing no apology’. Keep an ear open for future releases from Aspen.

 

In addition to voted awards, the BCIMA gave the Special Achievement Award to ‘Grapes of Wrath’, a home grown band from Kelowna who progressed from a local bar band to internationally known Canadian recording artists.

Other awards presented through the evening were: Producer of the Year - John Ellis for 'The Inside Passage', Rock or Pop Recording of the Year -We Are The City, 'In a Quiet World', Gospel Recording Artist/Group of the Year - Corey Doak, 'No Sudden Movements', Instrumental Recording Group/Artist of the Year - Josh Furey, 'ARCHAEOLOGY', Urban/Dance Recording of the Year – Zane, 'London Fog', Best Venue Supporting Live Music - Salmon Arm Roots and Blues Festival, Metal Recording Artist/Group of the Year – Bloodloss, 'Push Comes to Shovel', Engineer of the Year - Adam Witke, 'Pretty Holiday', CD/DVD Artwork Design of the Year - We Are The City, 'In a Quiet World', New Artist of the Year - Shane Koyczan and the Short Story Long.

The BCIMA awards show would have been pretty dry and lengthy if hadn’t been interspersed with nominees demonstrating why they were nominated. Most of the acts were unknown to me prior to Friday, however, it was a pleasure to meet and watch as the talented and gifted nominees strutted their stuff.

Interesting and memorable performances through the evening were Wassabi Collective, as mentioned above, Yael Wand, a pleasant acoustic/folk singer accompanied by a cellist and drummer, John Lee Sanders and his band: this recent immigrant to the Okanagan from the US rocked the house with his blues/boogie woogie piano styling’s, accompanied by hot guitar work of Danny McBride, another highlight of the evening. Andrew Allen certainly kept the crowd involved and showed why he received 3 awards with his dynamic presentation. Up to now I have never seen a ‘spoken word performance’, I was entranced and intrigued by Shayne Koyczan and Short Story Long’s performance. Admitting he was a bit nervous did not hinder his elocution of his interesting presentation. He did give credit to his grandpa encouraging him on his choice of career by saying, “I am glad you got a job, it should help you loose some weight!” The last undiscovered diamond from last night was a solo acoustic guitar performance by Kevin Look of “Kevin & Devon” from Kamloops. I have seen few guitar players attack the guitar with such vigour and draw from it such amazing sounds.

There are many others involved in events like this who the audience never see and who rarely receive recognition. I am speaking of the stage hands, roadies, sound techs, light techs, and all the other volunteers who make things happen. Thank you for making this a well run and professional event.

To all the nominees, award recipients and performers, thanks for a great show. I look forward to seeing you all at live gigs, getting to know you and featuring you in future articles.

Check out all the pictures from the award show in our Gonzo Gallery.

BAD SONGS

By Linda Schaab

   Why do we hate certain songs as passionately as we do? Because music is personal. The song I despise above all others is “MacArthur Park.” And another one that always makes me crazy is Billy Ray Cyrus’ “Achy Breaky Heart.”

   No topic in 20 years of writing has stirred up as much passion in readers, says American humorist Dave Barry, as a piece he wrote on bad songs. The response to that article was so overwhelming that it inspired Barry to hold a Bad Song Survey.

   Many of the songs that came out of the Bad Song Survey are older, and this seems only right to Dave Barry. To his thinking a song has to be sincerely hated by a lot of people for some time before it can qualify as being truly bad.  

   From his Bad Song survey Dave Barry created the Worst of Bad Songs list, and also a sub-category for overly emotional songs. He calls those songs “Weenie Music.”

   I was overjoyed to see that “MacArthur Park” made the #1 spot on the Worst of Bad Songs list. What’s more “Achy Breaky Heart” received a Dishonourable Mention. To top it off, two Canadian songs I hate made it onto the Weenie Music list: Dan Hill’s “Sometimes When We Touch” and Terry Jacks’ “Seasons in the Sun.” It makes me happy that Dave Barry joins me in hating these last two songs, plus two more I hate that are American in origin: Bobby Goldsborough’s “Honey,” and Frank Sinatra’s “My Way.”

   For me this makes Dave Barry “the man” when it comes to choosing bad songs, but not everyone shares this opinion. Dave says he received a ton of angry letters after he slammed all the songs of Barry Manilow and Neil Diamond for being weenie music. But he says he’d do it again because it was so much fun. (You’re right Dave, this is fun.) Also in the category of Weenie Music Dave Barry cited the complete catalogue of the “Carpenters,” plus all the songs of John Denver, and everything in the “Bread” songbook. (Now hold on there, Dave, back in the day I liked the songs on the “Best of Bread” album, and you’ve really crossed a line with me there – but I’ll get over it.)

   Another sub-category of bad songs Dave Barry has identified is the “teenager-dies-in-a-car-crash” songs of the 50s and 60s.

I remember these “old” songs being played in the quad between classes when I attended Penticton Senior Secondary. Now, many years later, these weenie songs still get occasional airplay on the radio for the sake of nostalgia. Not surprisingly, “Teen Angel” received many votes in the Bad Song Survey.

In this song the young couple’s car stalls on the tracks when the train is approaching. The girl is killed (sob), but it didn’t have to end this way.

As the song tells us:

   “I pulled you out and we were safe

   But you went running back.”

   So why did the girl run back to the car?

   “They said they found my high school ring

   Clutched in your fingers tight.”

There’s a name for this in the animal world – it’s called natural selection. And in the world of humans doing something stupid that removes you from the gene pool before you reproduce can earn you a posthumous “honour” called the Darwin Award.

So why has no one written a song about one of the more well known Darwin Award winners? Sound too far-fetched for you? Rupert Holmes (author of “Escape,” the Pina Colada song) wrote about cannibalism and three trapped miners in a song called “Timothy” that was based on a news clipping.

I’d suggest a song about the guy who strapped himself into a lawn chair equipped with helium balloons. His plan to ascend to the stratosphere worked so well that Mr. Numbnuts came into close range with a jet flying at altitude. So he enacted his plan to return to earth by shooting out the helium balloons attached to his folding chair with a pellet gun. Only he forgot to save a few of the balloons.

My proposed song could end with the dead guy’s wife spending weeks in her darkened livingroom, endlessly replaying the song “(You Left Me) Just When I Needed You Most” by Randy Vanwarmer (another weenie song).  

Please be warned about finding comfort in endlessly playing anything from this category. From that day on you’ll be taken back to relive your pain whenever that song comes on the radio. And unless you mercifully go deaf, that weenie song is going to remind you of the sad time you went through until the end of your days. But perhaps it’s too late and you’ve already made that mistake.

If so, here’s a suggestion sent to Dave Barry by a female respondent to the Bad Song Survey: “Whenever I’m in my car and a song I can’t bear comes on the radio, I stick my head out the window and hope a semi gets it, just like my mother always said.”#